A message of equal heart

First of all to the people who have given me positive messages, I just want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart

You guys are the reason I'm still here, you guys are the reason to keep on moving and make this world a better place

I'm also sorry for anyone who has been worried about my well being

But I'm here now to give you guys nothing else but the truth


2 weeks prior to May23rd, I spoke to Hana directly on the phone

Before that day we spoke on the phone,  Hana gave me a call but at that time of my life I wasn't able to pick up her call

I was in a state of depression not being able to trust anyone else beside my tight circle

I don't know what has caused it but I assume it came from having too many things change in such a short amount of time

But after everything was gone and I was in a good state, I was able to talk to Hana again.


The most surprising thing she did, was accept me with open arms

She didn't blame me but she was very pure and talked to me like none of this ever happened

My heart filled up with joy, I couldn't stop smiling

We were back together


First of all she confessed to me that none of the actions she took while she got mad at me came deep within her

Before that moment she talked to the staff about the situation and she was told by them that a slap would be nice

If everyone doesn't know something about Hana, she is a very pure person that always thinks about people around her before she does about her self

She loves to give people what they want, she loves to do things for other people

That is what led her to take those actions against me


I was relieved hearing those words from her, because it made me understand that those things she said and did to me weren't true to her heart


She also told me from the start, she never was going to accept any money from me

So I asked her "Then let's go to a nice fancy restaurant, dress up and have fun together again"

She said "of course!", which then made me realize that this relationship was real

It was something true to our selves, something that cannot be taken away by something physical

We were more than that, and that made me extremely happy


Accepting me for who I am, saying her side of the story, and agreeing to go out with me

Hana decided to open up to me even more, and told me what has been inside of her

She told me that the comments and the messages she has been getting from people, have been hurting her a lot, and because of that she has been physically hurting herself

The moment I heard that from her, my heart sank

I couldn't really believe what she was saying because I have not expected anything like this to ever happen


To be honest, I don't really get the mentality of the people posting nasty comments to other human beings

But that actually made me a little sad for those people posting those comments because inside, they are not truly happy with life

If I was happy every single day and loved my life, I wouldn't even think of saying nasty things to people I don't even know in real life

I'm not saying that it is what it is, but I can't really blame them individually for what they have done

I can only understand and move forward with what I can contribute to those people


But at the end Hana told me she was okay because she came to a conclusion of her own with this whole situation she has gone through

She said, "I realized that the opinions of the people I don't know and people who don't know me doesn't really matter at the end. Because what really matters and what makes me happy is if the people around me are feeling happy"

I was happy those words were coming out of her and so I told her I'm glad she came to that realization and how true that statement is

We talked again about when we were going to dinner, a little bit about the kitten she was getting the next day and hung up the phone

I thought our dinner day would come to us like every other day has come

But this time that wasn't the case...


The next time I met Hana was at her funeral

She was resting with her eyes closed, with pretty make up on

She was beautiful and seemed like she was smiling in the inside

Everything seemed like it was more free, nothing else for her to worry about

She was truly resting in peace


I can't directly talk with Hana anymore, but sometimes I do get to talk to her

The other day in the mountains near the river

The sunlight shining through the mountains hitting the slippery surface of the river and the light bouncing off making it seem like there are endless diamonds in the river

Every time I would ask a question she would have an answer

and she told me to not stop but keep on going, don't let this whole thing make you not do the things you want to do

Hearing that from her made me happy and made me understood what I would like to do from here on out on this place on earth


My first mission is to team up with Hana's mom and to get this NPO group under Hana's name for people who need help that are getting cyber bullied, and to spread it out there

Something we all need to understand and focus more is the tragedy of cyber bullying and what it can do to people mentally

I'm going to be one of the main starting members so I can help more people in this world directly

Second of all I want to spread my art more out into the world

I understand that my biggest strength I have is being able to express my self and my values through art

If more people can understand what I am about and what I am trying to do, I feel like this place would be a much better place than what it is currently

These are the two main things what I am capable of doing right now and will be the focus throughout my life here on earth


So Thank you so much for the people who have read this blog until the end

I just want to let you guys know that I truly love you guys

The support I get means so much more that what you guys can imagine because the love is so real

I hope I was able to express the message clearly and directly to your guys's heart

I hope you have a wonderful day, and maybe I can meet you guys someday in the near future

Thank you

Love,

Kai