Stage Freight

Yesterday was an amazing day spending time with friends and a special person

I was living in the moment, until I started thinking about the stage I was going to get back on

I had prepared all of my comedy bits for this night for awhile now

I sat down with Troy and went through all of my lines and even added a new intro for my self

I practiced countless times to a point I knew the lines

I was excited to get on the stage for the first time this year

Then suddenly, this feeling triggered the flashback of my first stage in front of the cameras

I'm on the stage performing my bit while no one in the room laughs

No one is agreeing with what I'm saying at the moment

I got scared

I started thinking rapidly

Is this going to happen tonight, when I'm most confident with my material?

I gave out and told my friend about my feeling

He told me "If you don't want to go, just don't go"

This made me relieved and I decided not to go

Deep down, I know that wasn't the right decision for me wanting to be comedy

I can't be scared of some stage just because you didn't do well last time

But I know that was the right decision for me at that moment

Now I can try it out somewhere else and see if the material works

And also the weight on my shoulders just released

I want to be stronger and I want to be fearless

Fearless of the situation I'm going to start putting my self in

Because with fear, we humans tend to stop the things we actually want to do

And go back to our comfortable selfs on the couch eating potato chips and watching the hottest netflex series